ThanksGiving!

I am never sure where the time goes, when the Holidays are again upon us. It seems that it was yesterday when the last early morning turkey was prepped and placed in the oven for it final journey to the dining table. I love the families together and the celebrating of life and enjoying food and the laughter together. But this year, as with many of us, I know there are people that will be missing from the table. Whether they have passed on and no longer sit at the table or they are on a journey that makes it impossible to be part of the immediate festivities. I find myself knowing that these family members and friends are really still here with us. Nothing can remove the love that we feel within our hearts. So,,,gone but not forgotten....is a must to remember during these bright days of the holidays. Hold dear to you the ones you love....as they will feel your love..... This is to my son, who is working on Andros Island, Bahamas and cannot join us today and to all the soldiers, and their familes, that are protecting us, as we may have this day together and many more to come. This for you from me, with my warm wishes and love being sent to each and everyone...

When is it time of Quit?

Ok, so the last time I gave you the pleasure of reading my morning thoughts, I was on the journey of "stopping" quitting smoking. It has been an incredible battle, but after 50 days it is now getting so much easier. I do not have the constant desire of wanting to "kill"...and can you believe it....I didn't even come close to killing anyone. But that brings me to this mornings thoughts and another aspect of "wanting to kill". Last night I phoned my girlfriend and she didn't answer, now all I wanted to do was invite her to a 4th of July party...ummmm no answer, so OK, I then try to call the boyfriend. Wow, it seems that falling down drunk, with blood coming down his face and shooting off a firearm was his mood for the evening.

I have seen, lived and heard of these stories so many times during my life and to this day still don't have the answers. The big question of why? Why do women, or men for that matter, stay in a relationship that is genuinly dangerous for themselves and their children. Why do we put ourselves into mental situations that we feel we must conquer? Isn't life just hard enough without adding things to it that we actually could and can change? What leads us to subjecting ourselves to abuse? Is it, unfortunately, a chapter of life that most all of us have to endure, to be able to truely learn what "good" relationships are? Do we feel so insecure with ourselves that we must attack a non-winning battle just to make ourselves feel better?

I have always thought that we are born into a circle of life, like a big bubble or balloon. We float around inside it, maybe happy to be there and other times too scared to try to break out through its thin elastic walls. But I have to question myself this morning, are we doomed to the "circle of life" handed to us? Do we ever really get out of the circle or it is a momentary break away with the inevidable circle sucking us back in. When I talked to friends/people that are in a situation that they can not seem to break away from..I question why...be stronger....be bolder...be brave...get away. But today I think that we are maybe meant to deal the hand of cards that are given to us. That at some point it may change, but we have to hold on for the tough ride to get us to the next chapter.

Stop Smoking

It is so amazing the control nicotine has on ones' body and mind...I am now into my 14th day - whoopie -- 2 weeks and not one drag on those controlling little white things. But it has been a couple of weeks of almost constant "hell". At least I am sure this is what hell is all about. Suffering, uncontrollable actions and chemical induces stress. Mornngs are always my worst time of day, which is usually my favorite time of day. It is the time that I like to relax, wake up allow my body and mind to be engulfed in the beauty of a new day...but today...well...not the best morning available. First thing to do is start the computer, check my e-mails, check the business e-mails and check the shop bank account....OH NO....not good, someone has hacked into my account and made charges on my account...deal with the bank, get the card closed...now is this relaxing????? Does this fit with my "no stress" morning, not really..but it has made me realize that no matter what I do, there is always stress around us. I have used the stress around me as the crutch to grab that next cigarette, as if that was going to fix the immediate problems. Can you imagine, there are always problems, there is always something out there causing our lives stress. BUT, if we hold onto the inner strength that we each possess, we can do anything! Words for today...take that deep breathe, think about the last wonderful day you have had and make sure today is equally great.

Roots of Life

Yesterday my phone rings and "surprise" it was my son. Ummmmm, as with most children one must wonder, why the call today??? What's up, what's wrong....why as parents to we do that? Well, that is another thought and not the one I have for today here. It seems that my son has been doing lots of landscape work at his in-laws and one of the requests was to remove three 22 year old rhodadendrum plants. Well, you can imagine, that after 22 years these plants were not longer plants, but trees. After much work of removing these trees and then loading them into the back of his pick-up truck he couldn't figure out what to do with them. OK, that's it, that is why the phone call. "Mom, would you like these trees, I don't want to just have them die?" Of course I replied with a "yes". The trees then begin a long journey from their original home to a new home. Down the highway at 70 miles per hour and the leaves were looking like they had gone through a tornado, or at the least a huge wind storm. With that I get the call that the delivery time would be longer, as he felt bad for the "poor little guys" and had changed route to a country road. The trees are now in our yard awaiting huge new holes to be dug and to once again stretched their roots in the ground. I know, this is a long story to get to my point. If everyone showed the same compassion for the "roots" of their lives as my son has shown for these trees. How is it we so often forget that our families are our roots...that those roots are what gave us the balance to be able to stand on our own in life. Sometimes our roots go deep into life and other times they run shallow to the surface, but we all have roots. Our roots of life come from friends, teachers, and people that just affect our lives. We have strong roots, cause when the wind blows hard, we still need to be able to stand. We are often like "the poor little guys", and wonder how we can survive what life has handed to us....but we always manage to...so for today...think about your life roots and be grateful for all your life has gone through to be the strong person you are today.

Silence

Wow, have you ever taken the time for "silence"? I mean...quiet...no radios, no TV's, no kids in the background, no cars...yes, I mean a moment for yourself that is silent. A time, when you sit down your cup of tea and the only real noise you hear is your tea cup nestling onto the the table top. Well, as a amazing as it might be, that is what I have this morning. I can hear all the birds and squirrels reaching out to my ears and the tender breathe of the wind rustling the new leaves on the trees. It amazes me that some people never experience silence of the natural things around them and that others never take the time for hear it. For me it is like the moment of all moments. I can hear my own heart beat without anything interupting it. I can't imagine living in a city where there was was constant noise controlling my every thought. How can anyone have a thought without a silent moment to ease their minds. How can one even begin to relax. So many people run, go to the gym, etc., to relax when all they really need is that moment of quiet. It is so funny,as stress is one the of the top killers of people in the US and we have doctors prescribing meds of all kinds to ease the stress. What if insurance companies were to pay for silence...for relaxing a moment each day without meds. Meds that can mess with minds and actually cause suicides and violence when back to basic living would mend most all of our stress. Have you ever asked a teenager why they play the music so loud???? Most of the time the answer is "so I can be alone", ummmmm....alone....or is it just to drown out all the other noise that control their brains? So that is my thought to ponder today....take a moment of silence for yourself!!!

What is Balance??

How do we have a relationship and maintain balance? Now this is a question I have pondered for many years. To me the big question is: what is balance in a relationship? Does it mean that one person is the controller and the other is the follower? Does it mean that two people constantly battle for the controlling position? Life is so complicated with balance, balance the budget, balance the ecology, balance work and pleasure...but none of these things seems to be accomplished with any type of ease. So when we watch everything around us, how do we, as a couple, managed to balance our relationship. When we get married we exchange the vows of for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health and to love each other til we die. But at no point does it ever tell us how to balance our relationship. What happens when "life" settles into our relationship and "life" turns our magical little world upside down. At some point every relationship feels the pull, the tug of war as one of the partners starts to slip from the balance of life. When this happens the other partner feels the strain, the confusion, lost and unsure as to where the relationship is going. I feel that a relationship is like riding a bicycle with training wheels. The bike always stays upright and balanced, if not, the training wheels brings it back to center. We all need training wheels throughout life....the seas get rough, but do settle back to smooth and so do most relationships. So hold onto your training wheels, use them and don't feel weak by using them. Sometimes our friends are our "training wheels" they can listen to our confusion and assist in the balance of life. So hold onto the ride, and be grateful for the once forgotten "training wheels!"

What makes for a good long relationship??

Good Morning Everyone,
This morning, I am attempting to figure out just what makes a relationship. I am sure this is something that, even with my several years of attempting to figure out, will never be accomplished. Ok, the marriage vows, say....for better for worse....for richer for poorer....in sickness in health....these are pretty simple requirements for anyone to be able to follow. But the vows forget to suggest even, that marriage is a lot more then the words flowed upon our ears on the day of our weddings. It is a constant effort of attempting to keep a balance of your live and his life (or vise versa). It is wanting to keep a happy balance of emotional stablity to both parties. Now I have to wonder, how can we keep a balance, when in this day and time it is so hard just to keep one's ownself balanced. I know, you are wondering now, what is balanced??? Good question....I think it is a matter of knowing who YOU are and waking up every morning happy with who you are. Now that is half the battle. You are happy with you...but what happens when your mate isn't happy with themselves. It is your happiness causing your mates unhappiness. Do you spend time trying to figure out why your mate is unhappy? I don't think that works either, as when you are doing this is it taking away from your happiness. Or does helping your mate bring you happiness. Now, the more I think, the more confused I become again. Does it mean that two people can start off emotionally balanced and one party ends up draining the other party??? Do we always need to have someone we can lean on to keep us balanced. Is life like riding a bike with training wheels? You know, that kind of motion that allows us to go off balance for a bit, and then catches us before we fall.

Wind it up - it is SPRING!

Yes, it is... SPRING has come upon us...finally!!! I often wonder how we survive the long cold winters, but as I have my tea this morning, I am sure it is the thought of spring. The joy and excitment of witnesssing the birth of new leaves, flowers and just the lush greens of spring. But why does all this joy have to be confused with so much work from the winter's damage? Ummmm...nothing comes free? Ummmm.....the best things are worth working for? I don't know about that, I would just like to sit back...watch the flowers bloom and not have to do all the work required to have natural beauty! we have to rake the dead grass away to allow the new grass to push though and be stronger. Ummmmm....again I am ummmmmming...this morning. Is this like with life.....as we have something that affects our lives....should we also rake it away to allow for the new growth within us to emerge? Should we consider our lives and the changes that life gives to us as a spring. Spring requiring work to make it fresh and grow better. I do believe this is true for us as well. We can't go through life with all the dead branches, the piles of fallen leaves piled on ourselves. So this is it for today....clean out your mind, excerise that brain....allow the spring to be fresh and new, inside and out!!

Birthdays

So many times I talk with people and they just dread the up-coming birthday. Well, I must say I just don't understand why. This month, April, is always such a busy month in my family. First is my mother's birthday...a lady adding another year of wisdom to her life. She is now enjoying having fun. Going places, meeting people and using her few years as knowledge for the next adventure. Then we share the Grand-daughter..youth and innocense at it best. A big 7 years of widsom with wants, hopes desire to learn, and the unknown adventure of life ahead of her. OK, here is the big one....Gramps....can you believe we just celebrated his 97th year of life yesterday. Ninety-seven years....he has witnessed, automobiles, electricity installed, dirt roads turning black with pavement, telephones and now he sits in a world of advanced technology..computers, cell phones, satelites, GPS's, and just the fast pace of life that has been handed to us. He will talk in his calm voice of the simple hard working ways of his life-time. His life was not complicated by electronics controlling his every movement. He could go to a job-site and get the required days work done without the complaints of the truck broke down, ran out of gas, the power saw wouldn't work, the delivery didn't come. It was just simple! He went to work, brought his hand saw, hammer and nails or his mechanics tools and did the job. He didn't worry about rushing out to the bosses big dinner party after work. He didn't worry about the pressures of who had the biggest degree attempting to oust him from his job. If he did the work and did it well he kept his job..simple as that! He worked long hard hours every day, but he just knew that was what he was suppose to do. He never thought there was an easy way out or a quick way to make the buck....simple easy and no fast pace stress. He worked, he went home to his family. They didn't require a car for each member of the family, they didn't require huge cell/cable bills. He didn't rush to the grocery store and spend more money then he had. He went hunting and fishing...filled the freezer. He grew vegetables, that my Gram canned for the winter months to come. Maybe that is why is is now a functioning human being at 97 years of age.
So now with my own 58th birthday almost upon me I ponder the "what are importants of my life". Friends that had been lost on the journey of life are now coming back to me..stronger then ever. Family has become my main reason for breathe daily. I also have settled back to the simplier things in life that Gramps has always shown me..but why must we spend so much of our lives figuring out the already simple ways of life???

Wow, we made it! My son is married!

Tax Day! Ummmm....for lots of us, this is just not one of the top 6 holidays that we look forward to. My son has, however, given to me a wonderful thought for tax day. We are off to a his wedding in a few hours and that is just the start of a brand new life. It is so amazing how many times that couples, who have lived together for an extended period of time, just can't seem to understand that it is really all the same thing....but the piece of paper and the emotional status of the word "commitment". We live in a world, that it is just easier to get the divorce, then to deal with that scarey word - commitment. I am just not sure why it is such a hard word. Does anyone out there have any idea as to why this word causes life so much confusion???? It is just a word, like, love, hate, want, need, forever....no we don't have much trouble with all of those words. Is commitment like a something we are conditioned to be able to walk away from..like my trying to quit smoking. I go to bed commited to the fact that I will not smoke the next day....I break that commitment almost daily....Commitment...for better or worse, for richer for poorer....well that is all easy, as these things happen to us as a normal part of life. Maybe we should just change the word to "attached" to each other, or mates for life like the wonderful morning doves. For them it is easy....so lets just take a breath and reach out to avoid that word that causes so many issues with relationships!!

Mother of the Groom!! OH NO!!!

Here it is the day before my son's wedding. It is such a different place, then when my daughter was married. I sit here thinking that every Mom should be totally involved in all of their childrens' activities, but when your son gets married...there you are....out in the cold....a foreign object in a waste land. Ummmm...ok, it is good to let go and let others do the majority of the work, but when you are so conditioned to do everything yourself...this just becomes a difficult thing to do. Sit back..wait for it to happen..WAIT for it to happen...my God, it will all happen if you don't even have to have a piece of the action!!!! All right, catch your breath....you did raise your child...you did give him good values...you do trust him...Now is this all so bad??? No, just just relax..go pick out that perfect dress to wear to his wedding and enjoy the day. No labor and you get a new daughter! Now that is a pretty easy thing to do!

It is spring here today....the daffadills are in bloom and the bleeding hearts have opened their eyes to the new world presented before them. When you live in an area that buries you in cold and snow, spring is a welcomed relief. But I find spring to not always be a happy time for couples. We stuggle and survive all winter...we hold on to each other, as that is the only hope for survival, but with the warmth and freedom....it also brings heart-ache to many couples. Spring should be a time for rejuvinating a relationship. I would like to have kept track, through all my years, how many couples take spring as the time to "run-away". To look for the new relationship in life or just a new life without cold. The struggle of winter has taken it's toll and couples are tired. Cold...ummmm....that applies to relationships as well. Cold, when you just go forward one day to one day....cold......when you forget the inner glow that the love once gave you. If a relationship, that has gone cold, we should be able to shovel it away as we do with the snow or at least hold onto that love until the sun can melt it away. I guess it is just another test of life, that we should endure and not run-away. We need to absorb the vitamin D the sun gives to us and we should take that warm breath and continue with the once had love.

Here it goes, I am in the start of a whole new world to me....but my knowledge is still the same, about life, marriage, weddings and the confusion that is prone to cause us all. Today is the best day we have had for many months now and it is almost impossible to think of anything, but warm days, sunshine and the easy flow of life around me. So for today, thank you for following bridal blues and I look forward to sharing life with you!!

Wedding Stress

In this day a fast and furious times, we all try to make quality time to do something that is very special to us. We go to work, we watch our kids play sports, we do the entertaining, we go out to dinner with friends, we spend time with our parents. Ok, you understand where I am coming from. But then we want to get married and somehow, in the middle of all of lives daily requirements, we attempt to set up a wedding. We have advice from everyone we know, we have mother's wanting to guide you to the wedding they always wanted. We have Dads freaking out,"how much more was that?", we have our dreams beaten up, shedded and pulled apart and now we are suppose to enjoy our wedding.

Everything can be easy, if it is handled correctly and tactfully. I have been involved with hundreds of bridal parties and have heard all of stress brought on by getting married. If you have any questions...that you don't want Mom or your best friend to tell you how you should do it....just ask me.......If I can't give you a good direction to go in, I certainly can tell you the directions that have not worked for other brides!!!