When is it time of Quit?

Ok, so the last time I gave you the pleasure of reading my morning thoughts, I was on the journey of "stopping" quitting smoking. It has been an incredible battle, but after 50 days it is now getting so much easier. I do not have the constant desire of wanting to "kill"...and can you believe it....I didn't even come close to killing anyone. But that brings me to this mornings thoughts and another aspect of "wanting to kill". Last night I phoned my girlfriend and she didn't answer, now all I wanted to do was invite her to a 4th of July party...ummmm no answer, so OK, I then try to call the boyfriend. Wow, it seems that falling down drunk, with blood coming down his face and shooting off a firearm was his mood for the evening.

I have seen, lived and heard of these stories so many times during my life and to this day still don't have the answers. The big question of why? Why do women, or men for that matter, stay in a relationship that is genuinly dangerous for themselves and their children. Why do we put ourselves into mental situations that we feel we must conquer? Isn't life just hard enough without adding things to it that we actually could and can change? What leads us to subjecting ourselves to abuse? Is it, unfortunately, a chapter of life that most all of us have to endure, to be able to truely learn what "good" relationships are? Do we feel so insecure with ourselves that we must attack a non-winning battle just to make ourselves feel better?

I have always thought that we are born into a circle of life, like a big bubble or balloon. We float around inside it, maybe happy to be there and other times too scared to try to break out through its thin elastic walls. But I have to question myself this morning, are we doomed to the "circle of life" handed to us? Do we ever really get out of the circle or it is a momentary break away with the inevidable circle sucking us back in. When I talked to friends/people that are in a situation that they can not seem to break away from..I question why...be stronger....be bolder...be brave...get away. But today I think that we are maybe meant to deal the hand of cards that are given to us. That at some point it may change, but we have to hold on for the tough ride to get us to the next chapter.

Stop Smoking

It is so amazing the control nicotine has on ones' body and mind...I am now into my 14th day - whoopie -- 2 weeks and not one drag on those controlling little white things. But it has been a couple of weeks of almost constant "hell". At least I am sure this is what hell is all about. Suffering, uncontrollable actions and chemical induces stress. Mornngs are always my worst time of day, which is usually my favorite time of day. It is the time that I like to relax, wake up allow my body and mind to be engulfed in the beauty of a new day...but today...well...not the best morning available. First thing to do is start the computer, check my e-mails, check the business e-mails and check the shop bank account....OH NO....not good, someone has hacked into my account and made charges on my account...deal with the bank, get the card closed...now is this relaxing????? Does this fit with my "no stress" morning, not really..but it has made me realize that no matter what I do, there is always stress around us. I have used the stress around me as the crutch to grab that next cigarette, as if that was going to fix the immediate problems. Can you imagine, there are always problems, there is always something out there causing our lives stress. BUT, if we hold onto the inner strength that we each possess, we can do anything! Words for today...take that deep breathe, think about the last wonderful day you have had and make sure today is equally great.